For many years, Indian parents have said that bodily punishment is a safe way to teach kids how to behave. A common opinion is echoed by Salman Khan's widely shared comment, "Ek-aad thappad kha letey hain... issmein kaunsi badi baat hai?" This means "I was hit, and I turned out fine." Psychologists and a new study, on the other hand, say that this confidence may hide something more important: emotional adaptation rather than emotional health. 

A peer-reviewed study released in PLoS One in 2024 looked closely at what "gentle parenting" really means in real life and why the debate about parenting styles is getting stronger around the world, including in India. 

What Does "Gentle Parenting" Really Mean? 

A lot of the time, gentle parenting is mistaken for being lax. It is better explained in the PLoS One study, which was led by researchers Anne E. Pezalla and Alice J. Davidson. The study looked at 100 talks with parents of kids between the ages of 2 and 7. It found that gentle parenting is based on lots of love, understanding, and clear rules, but not fear or physical punishment. 

To put it simply, it means teaching kids how to behave by listening, describing, and setting limits in a calm way, instead of yelling or hitting them. 

Why this study is important right now 

It has always been hard to raise kids, but the study says that the stress of parenting has grown since the pandemic because of being alone and all the 'expert advice' available online. Almost half of the parents who were studied said they were gentle parents. Most said they were very satisfied, but more than a third said they were burnt out, had doubts about themselves, and were emotionally worn out. 

Many parents are quietly asking themselves an uncomfortable question: Is gentle parenting the best way to raise a child, or is it too hard on the emotions in a world that doesn't offer much help? 

"It turned out okay," or did my brain change? 

Aster Whitefield Hospital psychologist S. Giriprasad says that physical treatment, even when disguised as discipline, can make a child feel bad about themselves. 

He says, "When a parent who represents safety also causes pain, the child feels love and threat from the same source." "The mind changes to stay alive." 

Psychology does not always see people who say they "never minded" being hit as proof that it was safe. Instead, it could be a sign of emotional numbing or protective rationalisation, which is how the brain makes pain seem normal so that the connection to a carer stays strong. 

In the long run, effects may be quiet but real. 

Giriprasad says that these early adjustments don't just go away. They can change how people deal with stress, power, and close relationships. Some people may learn as kids that using force is a good way to get what you want. Others might try to avoid conflict, have trouble trusting, or hold back their feelings. 

Anxiety, irritability, mental distance, low self-worth, and problems in close relationships are all long-term effects of physical punishment. Most of the time, the effects are small and easy to overlook. 

The Questions That Parents Are Asking 

This argument is similar to the private questions that many families have: is it really safe to hit a child? What does gentle parenting look like in real life? Why do some adults still support harsh discipline? Does the way kids are disciplined affect how they interact with others as adults? It also brings up an issue that isn't talked about very often: does gentle parenting, which focuses on keeping emotions in check all the time, put parents at risk of burnout? It is important to note that the PLoS One study does not show gentle parenting as an easy or perfect way to do things. Instead, it shows a very important gap: parents need more mental and social support, especially those who put a lot of pressure on themselves every day to "get it right.". 

A discussion based on facts, not nostalgia 

There are no accusations made against older groups in this study, and no single parenting style is praised. The phrase "I turned out fine" is put to the test by the question of whether emotional survival has been mistaken for emotional health. 

As researchers continue to figure out how things that happen in childhood affect people as adults, experts stress one thing: parenting talks must move beyond nostalgia and denial and focus on facts, empathy, and support.